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I think spring has sprung!

Hey peeps!

Get it? I’m calling all of you peeps because it is the day after Easter and you probably have a bunch of peeps sitting around going stale. Maybe you should just throw them away because we all know you’re not going to eat them!

I originally planned on posting this on Easter, but a few computer problems later and here it is- a day late.

Yesterday was not only Easter but it was also LDS General Conference. It’s a day that happens twice a year where LDS leaders and members gather for two days to give and hear talks. These talks range from church news and announcements to gospel doctrine stories and testimonies of Jesus Christ.

I love when General Conference falls on Easter because ultimately Christ is the whole purpose of Conference, He is our cornerstone and the ultimate example.

Like many other holidays, Easter can get turned from a day to remember Christ, to a day to remember candy, rabbits and colorful eggs. Don’t get me wrong, I quite enjoy Mr. Easter bunny and all of the delicious prizes he brings me. But I know that isn’t what we should be focused on.

Easter symbolizes the day when Christ overcame death and was resurrected. He gave his life and died for each one of us, and then overcame it all and rose again. I couldn’t be more grateful for His sacrifice and example. It helps remind me that we are not just here on earth to get rich or famous. We are here for a greater purpose- to learn, grow and get back to live with God again. We can only do this because of Jesus Christ.

I know there are people out there who don’t share the same beliefs I do. But I think it can do nothing but strengthen someone to try to live a kind, selfless life like Christ did. And the message of Easter- of hope, resurrection and new beginnings can apply to us all. We all go through trials and hardships; there isn’t anyone who is spared from occasional grief and heartache. But on the other hand, everyone also experiences at least a moment of happiness, love or success. We should all remember the message of Easter every day of the year. That there are great things to live for, and there are always new beginnings, fresh starts and happy times ahead.

So ultimately I’m not too upset I couldn’t post this yesterday on Easter, because everyday should be like Easter, really!

Along with it being Easter, it’s also spring. Waaahoooo! I’ve missed the sun, colorful plants, flowers and clothes. I hope I don’t jinx it though, living in Utah means it could start snowing tomorrow for all I know. It better not!

Here’s a little spring outfit I put together. I found this PrettyGuide jumpsuit while I was thrifting last week, and paired it with my favorite DVF sequin jacket. I mean, really… Best jacket in the world! My shoes were also a thrift find last year. I have a bit of an addiction… I might just end up completely turning my blog into a thrift site. Maybe I’ll change it from iamcodi to iamsavers or iamgoodwill. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind me using their name right?

So there you go, some springy stuffs.

So I know I haven’t been posting much lately and for that I am sorry! But also not sorry because I’ve been focusing on school, plus there are fun things coming after I graduate! Three weeks left, people. Then my trillion years of college will be completed. Someone please pat me on my sequined back! Thank you.

With Easter on the mind I thought it might also be appropriate to post my second part to my Loss Series. This is my Senior Portfolio Project, which for some reason I chose to make a photographic movie instead of do actual photos. I’m still sort of confused why I did this.. so don’t ask me why! But this video is Part Two out of three. (You can watch Part One here) It comments on loss, particularly the type of loss that we can’t control such as death, relationships, memories, etc. I started this project after my divorce and the passing of my grandpa when my life was in the middle of many big changes- I had lost a lot of people. I know everyone relates, because everyone goes through change, and change is a direct result of losing something.

My final video will be shown in addition to the two I have posted here in my Senior Exhibition. If you are interested in seeing them they will be displayed on the second floor the Marriot Library on Thursday, April 16th from 9am-2pm in study room 2103. If you’re up on the University of Utah campus for some reason stop in and see!

Thanks for reading guys! I’ll be posting a couple more posts before I graduate, and in a few weeks I’ll be really focusing on this little blog of mine! So keep checking back.. only if you want to of course.

Happy belated Easter! Happy spring!!

Codi

I am still here! Let’s talk collaborations…

Grandpa’s Shop

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Let’s take a look back into my competition soccer days. Running laps.

You could always find me 13,000 miles behind everyone else. OK.. maybe I was not ever THAT far behind, but you get the gist; I hated it. It also didn’t help that I probably looked like Wormtail from Harry Potter.

“Hey guys, wait up!!”

I’m not a good runner nor have I ever been! But- I did it. I always finished even if I had to stop to barf somewhere along the way. Wow, what an attractive picture this whole last paragraph just painted, I am such a beautiful woman! I might as well end this blog post here and leave it at that; I will have so many followers now.

The point I am getting at is that life is not always fun. Sometimes it is a walk, sometimes it is a run. And the last few months have definitely been a run for little old me. This post is #1 of the yucky run saga, so please enjoy.

“When I got home from House of DVF..”- this is a phrase I feel I’ve used in my blog posts a billion times, so here I go using it again. But when I got home, I was very out of sorts. You see, I left to New York thinking I was going to be there for at least a month (since that is what I was told by production). So my husband and I decided it would be best for us to pack up our lives and put everything into storage, so he could stay with his parents while I was gone; I didn’t want him to be alone. We were going to move to a new place when I got done with my DVF shenanigans.

So it was quite the surprise when I was only in New York for a whopping 4 days! Wow. We really packed up our lives for this? And were then instantly homeless. So we camped out at the in-laws house for a few days. It was then that my sweet grandpa started getting very sick. He had been sick for years but this time I knew it was much more serious. I couldn’t handle it, I tried to just ignore it for so long, but it got to the point where I realized grandpa wouldn’t be here much longer. I wouldn’t be able to walk into his shop and give him a big hug. I wouldn’t be able to hear him saying “I just want you to remember how much we love you, we pray for you every day. We sure are lucky to have our Codi.” While his shaky hand held mine and his big eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t take it. My heart felt like it was being crushed, smashed and ripped into a billion pieces.

Grandpa was the kindest person I’ve ever known; he was always looking out for everyone’s well being and happiness over his own. For the last 10 or so years of his life grandpa was wheelchair bound due to his neuropathy. He got depressed often because he could no longer do service (to the extent he would like) for others. He was the ultimate fix it man, grandpa knew how to build or fix just about anything. But what always impressed me most was his ability to build people up, and fix broken hearts. There was not a soul he didn’t treat like they were the most special person in the world; especially grandma.

As my marriage was winding down, I remember walking into grandpa’s room to talk to him. He laid there, sick, pale and thin, yet the first thing out of his mouth was “You just hang in there sweetie, everything is going to be alright.” I sat next to his bed and held his hand while I cried like a baby. It was my regular routine for weeks on end- I still don’t know where all of that water came from. I was just so confused and so heartbroken. Trying to piece together a relationship that was hurting my very being, while trying to cope with saying goodbye to grandpa. He looked at me and said, “Code, look at me and grandma. Have you ever seen grandma upset like this? I do everything I possibly can to make her happy, and you deserve that too.” then he laughed and said ” Well.. maybe don’t look at me and grandma the last few years, because she has had to do everything for me!” referring to how she had to physically do everything for him. This should have made me laugh, but it made me cry harder because of how cute he was. Always trying to make others laugh, and always looking on the bright side even when things looked pretty dang dark. I’ll never forget what he said to me that day though, I do want the same relationship that grandma and grandpa had. More than anything.

Not even just solely their relationship, but I want someone who is always thinking and doing kind things for others, and not just for me. Grandpa was a perfect example of this form of Christlike love. And I think it draws a neat parallel to how talented he was with woodworking, and fixing things. He has a whole shop full of tools; all used to mend things that are broken, and create objects to use for some purpose or another. The shop is in essence, just like grandpa. And also just like Christ- it’s whole purpose is to mend and to create. And tools cannot serve their purpose unless they are in the hands of someone who knows how to use them.

Grandpa’s shop

Sweater: Thrifted

Skirt: Shabby Apple- Waltzing Matilda

Bracelet: Tarina Tarantino

“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”

Jacket: Thrifted (sorry I thrift too much, get off my back!)

I’d be lying if I said being in the shop without grandpa there was easy. It’s just not quite the same.

When I stepped into the shop it was very cold, so I flipped on the old heater. It groaned to life and that stale smell of burning dust filled the room. It started to warm up as I set up my tripod. As it got warmer in there, memories started coming to mind. And it helped me think of all the joy and warmth he brought to not only grandma, but the rest of our family and numerous other people. It reminded me what I want to strive to be, not only for myself but for my future family. And I want someone by my side who will build me up to be a better me each day.

I’m holding my standard of men wwaaayy up on grandpa’s level; I want to marry someone who carries the same virtues and kindness as him. I want to constantly feel the way he made every one around him feel; loved valued and special. I want to use the tools I have been given in life to do good wherever I go. And I can’t wait to find the man who has his own “shop full of tools” to build up those around him. I am so incredibly grateful for the amazing example I have in my sweet grandpa.

So now if you’re feeling sad or nostalgic or something like I was, don’t be. Scroll back up to the top of this post and look at the picture of Wormtail again.

Till next time my friends!

Codi

House of DVF Episode 2- Goodbye NY!

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What a wild ride!

Once filming was done for Episode 1 of House of DVF the 8 of us went home for a while. We were told we’d be back soon for the rest of the program, and this time we would be in NYC for at least a month. Wow, I had to talk to professors and move my school schedule around. My husband and I also decided we would move out of our apartment so he could be with his family while I was gone, and then we could find a new place when I was done filming! So many big changes, it was an overwhelming but exciting time!

I got anxious and super duper excited as the date drew nearer to return to the Biiiiig Apple! I also felt anxious to leave my husband for so long, it would be the first time we were apart for longer than a week since we got married. But we ultimately knew this opportunity was for our better and would be something that would help me put him through the rest of his schooling. Little did I know how this really would impact our futures.

Bye Utah!

I knew this would be a big turning point in my life, and I couldn’t wait to see where it took me! My whole family was thrilled for my adventure as well and naturally they wanted to come visit me in New York halfway through my stay. I remember asking the producers if my family could come and they vaguely replied “No, you girls will just be so busy, they will need to come visit you sometime in the first two days you are here.” Well.. that would be pointless I thought! What was strange to me was that none of the other girls were told their friends and family could only visit sometime in the first two days. I didn’t catch on. Silly Codi.

Our first day back we all were told to head over to the DVF headquarters. We walked up the big beautiful stairs and sat down at a table and watched Stefani pick clothes to display in one of the stores. She then came over and welcomed us to our first day! Diane then came down the stairs and boom, it all got real! We were assigned our first task by Michael Herz, DVF’s Artistic Director: to create inspiration boards! Can I take a moment to dote on Michael?? This guy=the ultimate coolest! I would truly love to follow in his footsteps in the way he has used his creativity and artistic talent in the fashion world. He is also down to earth and real, every time something weird or fake happened when I wanted to bust out laughing but I held it in; he would just laugh! What a cool guy, I seriously respect him and his talent!

He might be my favorite. Sorry everyone else!

OK OK, back to the inspiration boards. Inspiration Boards?! I love the sound of that! Diane proceeded to tell us this collection we would be inspiring would be themed around Côte d’Azur- or in other words: South of France and the French Riviera. She went on to say it should be inspired heavily by Matisse, and color. Alright, this little fine art student could work with that! I didn’t know a whole lot about Côte d’Azur; but I did know a whole lot about Matisse, color, and pattern! I was excited to get back so I could start researching Southern France. I also knew quite a bit about creating inspiration boards, this was pretty dang similar to what I do every day for school! I was pumped, and confident, were all of the challenges going to be this great? The cameras then went off and Lenore and I were told we were going to go film our part first; so the other girls and crew headed back to the hotel. They took my board with them and it mysteriously “disappeared” into thin air later that night when I was done filming…hmm. So I went out in the wee hours of the morning after our day was done and secretly bought myself TWO boards just in case something went mysteriously awry again.

It was a rough night for me. It was really hard for me to just take all of these weird situations that seemed so not real and pretend I didn’t see right through it. Was all of this drama real? No, it so wasn’t. Did my board really just poof away into oblivion? No I don’t think so. I felt like Katniss! Like stupid President Snow was trying to fool me and I was like “I know what you’re doing, Peeta and I are going to eat the berries.. we will do it I swear..!!”

That same night as I was on my way back up to my hotel room with some of the girls the elevator opened, and a man reached his hand through just before it closed. He grabbed my hand and I looked up surprised. It was one of the hotel workers, Omar. He said “It’s my best friend!” with a big smile on his face. ” I’m sorry girls, but I hope she wins! She has been so nice to me the whole time she has been here, she is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She is my best friend!” and then the elevator doors shut and I stood there feeling a lot better than when I first stepped in that elevator . That was one of the moments where I thought if that is all I came here to do then I am happy with that. As corny as it may sound I do believe that is our purpose in this life- to be kind and make others feel loved and valued. There is a bigger purpose for us than to just live and die, this life is a test.

So the next day we headed over to the studio to put together outfits for the look book! And wow the studio was amazing. We got divided into teams- Amanda, Lenore, Brittany and I. Then Kier, Abs, Jinna and Tiff. Honestly, this challenge was super simple. Is it really so hard to pick out outfits? No. Does it look like it was after some serious editing? Yes. Did they make it look like I did absolutely nothing? Yes. Did they re-shoot that whole clip of them judging our looks? Yes. Oh goodness the whole thing had me so confused. Not the actual challenge but whatever the heck they were trying to play out on the production side. I think I had a confused face on the entire time. I honestly wanted to laugh out loud! Both of our teams did great, and I think the teamwork was awesome. And of course I wasn’t going to make all of the decisions for our group..there was four of us, not one.

All in all, we did awesome and our group won! Sawweeet! So we had to opportunity to go to the actual look book shoot. Unreal. What a neat opportunity. Especially as a photographer I ate that whole thing right up! Just being able to be on set of a professional photo shoot for DVF, sooo cool! Then they “dropped the bomb” that the inspiration boards were due in an hour. Good thing I ran to the store in the middle of the night and got a new board! Two boards at that just for good measure.

The first board I made I went out on the streets and asked women what the first thing that comes to mind when they hear the word “beautiful” is. And I took a photo of each of them and wrote their word under their photo. It was so neat. Almost everyone said something about inner beauty, or people they love. It really was so cool to hear. This board didn’t get shown on TV, I don’t even know if Diane got to see it, one of the producers took it from me and said we’d get it to Diane later.

So I went back to the hotel and put my photos on my boards. I was so rushed I didn’t think to take a photo of it, how dumb am I?? So here is my remake of it!

Side one.

Side two.

The concept behind my board started when Diane said she wanted it to be inspired by Matisse. I have always been intrigued most by Matisse’s portraits. The Girl With Green Eyes popped into my head for some reason so I went with it. The rule with the boards was we were to use one of Diane’s personal photos on it somewhere. I chose a photo of tangled blue fishing nets (I found a similar photo above on side two of my board). I chose this particular photo because if you were standing close to it could could see all of the fine detail in the netting, but if you stepped back or unfocused your eyes the negative space and big shapes came forward. It was all in how you focused. Same goes for Matisse- I have found that there are typically many things to focus on in his paintings- so you must choose where or what to focus on. His color palette is also very saturated and I wanted to convey this on my board.

Matisse

The Girl With Green Eyes

When I brought out my board everyone just stared at it for quite some time, and there was an awkward silence in the room. I didn’t understand what was going on. Michael then spoke up “This is the best board.” more silence… Diane stomped her foot a couple of times. There was some more strange shifting around of people and the crew. The cameras went off for a bit and Diane Michael Stefani and Jessica spoke to me about my photography complementing it. Diane said ” I would like a copy of these to hang in my office!” Um, OK Diane as you wish!! So cool! Michael loved my board and I was incredibly happy they liked my concept and felt it inspired them. But why was there a weird tension in the room? At one point Diane said “This is not fair!” I just thought.. what’s not fair?? I wasn’t catching on.

Ultimately my board was picked as one of the best! I was thrilled! It was then that Diane left the room and then came back and said it was time for someone to go home. What? We were all told we would all be here for a month and a half.. not two days! I thought I was safe- My group won the first challenge and my board won the second challenge. I hadn’t been told to do anything differently, or caused any drama. I had done all of the jobs I was given. I had stayed true to myself, and hadn’t talked bad about a single person. I had been on time to everything, hadn’t been told to change my clothes. Why would I be sent home?

Then my name was called to go upstairs with Abs and Lenore.

I honestly felt just.. peace. I wasn’t worried, I knew whatever was supposed to happen would happen. And then Diane kindly told me in so many words “You are such a sweet girl and amazing photographer, that is what you need to be doing is your photography.” And she gave me a goody bag and sent me on my way.

I honestly was not sad. I felt like it was right, I did my very best and just maybe I wasn’t cut out for “Reality” TV. I had learned SO much. I got to experience so many things I had never dreamed of experiencing! I got to meet so many amazing and inspiring people who will now always be a part of my life. I couldn’t be ungrateful. I was just being directed onto my next big journey and I had faith it was the right path and everything was going to be better than OK! But it was hard saying goodbye to the girls, especially because I was expecting to be spending the next month with them. I can’t tell you how much I love them all!

I don’t think they were very sad I was leaving hahaha they were probably just happy it wasn’t them!

So off I went back to Utah. Ultimately I know God’s timing was perfect. If I hadn’t have come home right then, I wouldn’t have been able to spend the last couple of weeks with my Grandpa before he passed away. I also wouldn’t have had the courage to stand up for myself in my unhealthy marriage. My next posts will be on those two topics, and the very pivotal few months I went through and how much I was blessed.

Something that has been tough for me to learn in life is how to take rejections in stride. I always saw them as a door closing, or a negative statement of my value or worth. At times, they are. There will be times in everyone’s life when you are “not good enough” for something (or someone thinks you’re not). Or when a door does close for good. But the truth is you are always good enough, it just may be something different than you expected. And there is always another door just waiting for you to open it, so you can set off on the bigger better adventure. Rejections truly aren’t rejections. They are merely the gateway through which we must travel to learn and to grow. They are actually one of the most beautiful things in this life. And they are God’s way of saying ” I love you, so I have a better plan for you.”

Now I welcome these “rejections” with open arms. Yeah, they still sting. And yes, they will always be difficult. But I’ve learned too much to ever go back to thinking they are not for the best, and I haven’t become a better woman because of them.

I know the woman I want to be, and I am well on my way to being exactly that person.

Diane- thank you. Thank you thank you thank you! What a crazy journey. And what a huge door has opened for me. What amazing people I have met, and what great friends I now have. I’ve become more independent, courageous and happy! My skin is a little thicker (key word, little) and I’m holding my head higher! My wardrobe is a bit more refined, and I’ve got more patience. My testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ is stronger, and I am more grateful for the people and things that I have right now. Hopefully I’ve impacted others on my way and brightened someone’s life, at least just a little bit. That is truly what I wanted to do.

So now my question for you, reader, is:

What are you focusing on?

Love, Codi

Just a little ☮ of me.

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Well here goes nothing… hi world!

I’ d like to start my blog off introducing myself, duh. I’ve always felt like I am not good at writing “About Me’s”.. does anyone else think they are so difficult to write? I guess I will start at the day I was born…

When I was born, I was a baby. Crazy right?! My cute little family lived in San Diego and I just so happened to be the only fat, white, practically bald baby in the hospital. My mom says her postpartum got very bad when she saw the giant group of Latinos pointing and laughing at me through the glass of the nursery. I would have been laughing right along with at them, I mean… look at me!

Shoot.. I think this is the wrong photo!

Anyway.. We only spent a couple years in good old San Diego while my dad worked. Then we moved to Murray, Utah (best city in the world, or so I’ve heard)

I was not a typical little girl. I much preferred digging around in the dirt and collecting bugs over playing with dolls. My poor mother had to excavate carefully placed Tupperware filled with old grass, water and dying bugs from my bedroom on a weekly basis. But don’t get me wrong.. I did have a Barbie or two..

“Mom, will you take a picture of me and my friends?”

If you were to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I’d respond “a vet, artist, soccer player, hairdresser” every time. I soon realized my dreams of being a vet wouldn’t come true as I was not partial to seeing blood, guts, or hurt animals. What a wuss.

Tried my hand at soccer.. or foot I guess I should say. Yes. I still play and LOVE soccer, but am I a pro? Definitely not.

My mom is a hairdresser and naturally I’ve always wanted to be just like her.. but after working at a beauty supply I soon decided it was not the route for me.

Now artist.. I think I was on to something with that one. Ever since I was a tiny squirt I loved art, and excelled at it. It was always my favorite subject in school. I’d also be caught in the act of making dumb videos on our video camera and snapping embarrassing selfies on a regular basis. Cameras intrigued me. Just the fact I could save a moment with the click of a button.

I’d like to think this was my very first self portrait. It’s artsier because I am nude of course.

Over the years my family has had countless laughs from the embarrassing amount of photos and video I felt the need to take. I’m glad I could provide them with such happiness though because they happen to be the most special people in my life. My parents are my heroes, and my best friends. I don’t think I could ever express to them how much I love and appreciate them. If you know them, I think you’d agree.

Mom and Dad on their wedding day.

I had the pleasure of growing up as the middle child. I don’t have middle child syndrome at ALL. I don’t ever feel the need to be a perfectionist so people notice me. Never. I’ve never felt the need to be on a Reality TV show someday so someone will just look at me! I have the best big sister in the world who has always been there to stick up for me, or even speak for me when she felt the need. We were always connected at the hip growing up, I wanted to be just like Kylee!

Told you, connected at the hip.

When my baby brother was born I soon realized what it felt like to be worried about someone’s well being and happiness every second of the day. I would do anything for my brudder. Anyone would, Dalton is just too dang sweet not to! Hands down Best brother anyone could ever have.

Tell us we are cute!

We are a very close and loving family, and always have been. We were raised as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. What does that mean? Click here!

I will be writing more posts on my beliefs so please, stay tuned. I truly wouldn’t be who I am or where I am in life without the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful to know families can be together forever, I don’t honestly know how I would get through life without this knowledge.

Family photo courtesy of tripod and self timer.

Not only am I lucky enough to have the greatest family in the world, I’ve also gone through life with the greatest set of friends. Each one of these girls has impacted my life is such a big way, I have no doubt we will be friends til we are old and saggy. We can typically be found filming stupid music videos in ugly costumes, or fake laughing to get a quality picture like this:

Fake laughers.

I graduated high school with all of these chums. Soon after I started my quest for love. Or maybe love started it’s quest for me.. that sounds more accurate. This quest involved mainly boys and photography. I started college and soon decided I was going to Art School. Because why not.. I loved photography! Soon after I met a boy and fell in love with him. We got engaged, and we got married. Happily Ever After! That’s how it goes right? Sometimes.

I was married for two and a half years. I cannot tell you how much I grew in this time and how much I learned. I also cannot say how hard going through divorce was. I don’t think anyone gets married thinking they will someday get divorced. I believe marriage is the most sacred and special union on this earth, it is eternal; I planned on spending forever with him. I learned there are circumstances though when divorce is OK. You should never give up your happiness or values to be a lesser version of yourself. It was a very trying time for me, and the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. But I know it was the right choice, God carried me through the whole thing. I can’t wait for the day I find my future husband.. he’s out there somewhere!

Strangely enough one of the biggest stepping stones to my divorce was my adventure on the House of DVF. One day I saw an ad on Facebook saying Diane Von Furstenberg was looking for a brand Ambassador. I thought, “Eh, they would never pick a little married, Mormon fine art student.. but I might as well try.” Well.. shish got real fast. Before I knew it I was on a plane heading to New York City. Ultimately this journey gave me the confidence and bravery I didn’t know I was lacking.

Every single one of these women inspire me.

So this is where I am today. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a weird girl on Reality TV, a photographer, a Mormon, a fashion lover, an artist. A lover of life! I truly am. I’ve come to love myself and my own unique journey. I’ve started finding myself and finding what truly fuels me and betters me. I know where my strengths lie and I know the kind of woman I want to be. I’m here to learn and grow and help others in the process, I can’t wait to use my talents and abilities to do so throughout the rest of my life!

Make sure to check back tomorrow night for my next post after the Premiere of House of DVF on E! 10/9c

I will be talking about some of the great experiences I had during my first week in NYC!