Hello hello hello!

Here is another awkward start to another post, so welcome to my brain again!

The next subject on the docket is yet another one that will probably make me cry, wahoo! Just remember.. tears are power.

My last post I talked about my sweet grandpa, and this post starts out with the last week of grandpa’s time here on earth. This is heavy stuff, and it’s going to be hard to write. So be prepared for more strange gaps in my text.

Like this.

And this.

It’s easy to hit the return key when I don’t know how to get out what I want to say. So I’m going to go ahead and do it again.

OK OK I’m done.

Death. This is something I haven’t had to experience very often in my life yet. When I was young the first person I remember passing away was my great grandma “Grandma Great” (or Grandma Grape). I was young enough I don’t remember much about it, other than my mom sending me into her room to say goodbye. It felt strange for me.. but I gave her a hug and said I loved her and awkwardly said bye. It was sad for me, but I was just young enough I didn’t really understand much. I only truly understood one thing- she was going some place better.

The next experience I had with death was my dog Sabra. This may sound stupid and you may be thinking “Oh, please.. a dog?!” But my Sabra was like a sister to me. She was with me through everything, all of my awkward teenage years and tears, and even through my heartbreaks. Not to mention, she loved me even when I was ugly, grumpy, and stupid. Dogs show true unconditional love, and I think every human can learn a thing or two from our canine friends.

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Holy crap, I’ve never seen so much dust on one picture!

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One day in 2012 my parents were out of town, so I came and house sat for them. I was laying in bed with Sabra curled up by my legs and she started breathing really heavy, and she stood up and started panicking. So at 4 in the morning I took her to the vet because I was so worried. I remember the vet coming into the room, he knelt down and listened to her heart and said “She is going through heart failure, she is dying.” I sat there and stared at him and said “No she’s really not. She is just sick with something.”I went into shock.. I remember sitting down on the floor and hugging her so tight, and cute Sabra just wagged her tail and licked my face while I cried like a baby. I couldn’t lose my puppy.. it wasn’t fair, I needed her! The next month was just horrible, watching her slowly get sicker and sicker and not being able to do anything about it. We set a date to have a vet come to our house to put her to sleep, she just was suffering so much. I slept over a lot that week because I didn’t want to miss a moment with my puppy. I was probably overly weird about the whole thing. Poor Sabra couldn’t cool down, so she would go sit outside in the middle of the night. So I would follow her out with a blanket wrapped around me and sit in the dirt next to her while I sobbed. It got to the point the sprinklers even turned on at like 5 in the morning and I just cried harder and tried to cover her with the blanket.. hahaha. I was a mess! That next morning the vet came over, and we all huddled around our cute puppy, sobbing uncontrollably as he put her to sleep. I know she wasn’t a person, but I feel like the sadness was just as real for us, she was a part of our family. As she let out her last breath I remember thinking, wow, what would I do if I didn’t know she was on her way up to heaven right now? What would be the purpose of life if there wasn’t a bigger picture, if all of the people and things we love just… ended. If we could never be with them again.

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Look at that sweet face! After all, dogs are humans too 😉

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I just realized I went on for a very long time about Sabra. Do I regret it? No. So I’m sorry if you didn’t care about any of that! But Sabra is a great lead back into Grandpa; because they just so happened to be best friends. I’ve always believed you can tell someone’s character by how they treat animals (well.. and people too of course). But cute grandpa treated(no pun intended) Sabra like his best friend in the world. Sabra’s death was one of the hardest thing for me, up until Grandpa got sick.

As Grandpa’s life started winding down I didn’t know how any of us would handle life without him. I mean, we had barely survived two years without our dog! The day grandpa passed I walked into his bedroom to give him a hug, and he was to the point where he wasn’t really there any more. So I sat and told him how much I loved him and hoped he heard me. The dying process is not pleasant, at one point I had a panic attack as I saw what happened as his body started to shut down. It was horrible to watch someone so dear to me go through that. But we all felt peace, we knew he wasn’t truly suffering; Heavenly Father was taking care of him, He needed him back home. The last few minutes of grandpa’s life, grandma sat next to him and held his hand and they looked lovingly at each other. I know grandpa wasn’t physically able to speak, but I know he was telling her how much he loved her.

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I had to just aim my camera in their general direction and guess to take this picture- I think my eyes were swollen shut from crying!

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He took his last breath and there was such a special feeling in the room, grandpa was finally free from his imperfect body. I knew he was finally walking, running and leaping again. I also knew he was being welcomed into heaven by so many people(and dogs haha) who he loved; he was being taken care of. Would I be able to survive this life without the knowledge that there is life after death? I don’t think so. What would be the point? Why would we be capable of so much love if there wasn’t a loving Heavenly Father who created us to experience it. Why would we want to do good in the world, be kind, have families and friends.. if there was no point? This life is a test. There is a huge reason why we were all sent here- because we are children of God, and he loves us so perfectly he gave us the opportunity to come here to learn and to grow. And he loves us even more that he doesn’t just leave us here, at one point or another we will each return back to his presence.

 About a year ago my sweet baby brother Dalton prepared to serve a full time mission for our church. A mission is essentially another way of saying “Two years spent away from home, preaching the gospel, all while being 100% selfless”. Dalton knew that he wanted to serve a mission because of the happiness and hope the gospel had given him and our family. As the day drew nearer for him to leave to Tahiti, it started dawning on us all that it most likely be the last time he saw grandpa here in this life. Dalton didn’t falter on his decision to leave once, because he saw the big picture; he knew that no matter what happened, he would see grandpa again someday. Dalton knew that the people of Tahiti needed this message of hope and life after death as much as we needed it. He knew that grandpa would want him to go teach of the happiness that we felt each day. Grandpa did pass away while Dalton was gone, but I know that Dalton was probably nearer to grandpa than any of us were, even though we were sitting right next to him.

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I’m so proud of my brother’s faith, to go and forget himself and know that the rest would fall into place.

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I would say the death of a loved one is one of the hardest trial’s in life to overcome. But we need to remember how beautiful it really is, and that in fact it is not an end. Those who pass on into the next life are very near to us, they watch over us.

This Sunday on House of DVF Jinna was sent home. This girl amazes me. She is not only seriously talented in so many ways, but she also an insanely strong woman. Jinna’s father passed away in 2012 after a battle with cancer. I remember the moment the 8 of us got accepted into the House of DVF  “program” sweet Jinna broke into tears (we were all crying). But she turned to me and said something along these lines. After her dad passed away, she never thought things would get better, she had been so stressed and full of anxiety. And she was just so grateful that she got this chance- and she was doing everything she did for her dad. I remember feeling so strong that her dad was right there in that room with her, and he was SO proud of her. I know that he watches over her. I also know that though his death was so early, God’s timing is always perfect. I know that Jinna grew to be the woman she is today because of each step and trial she has experienced up until now. It may not seem fair she had to let him go at such a young age, but I know everything in life happens for a reason; it is all perfectly orchestrated. I just look at Jinna, and the impact she makes on people all throughout the world; it all stems from her father’s legacy. She is keeping him alive by being such an inspiring example and a light for people to look to.

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She is beautiful!

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I would also like to give my two cents on how she was portrayed on the show. She was apparently supposed to appear to be some crazy drunk all the time.. but seriously? She is not hahaha. I’d like to pose this question- did ANY of her “partying” and drinking impede her from getting her jobs done? Not ever. And also, she is SO talented and business savvy.. and I feel like there was a bunch of footage cut out of her working her magic. I think she would have made a fabulous brand ambassador for DVF. A true example of hard work, intelligence and strength. I think it is even cooler that her drive and work ethic is kept strong by the memory of her father. Like DVF, Jinna is creating her empire with a more meaningful goal in mind- she is doing everything she does for something bigger than herself. I respect Jinna so much, and I know I have so much I can learn from her! Aside from all of the serious and professional things Jinna is amazing at, she also happens to be hilarious!! I can’t count how many times she made me laugh so hard that I cried.. again.. tears are power!

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I just love her and her perfect skin.. it’s not even fair!

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As I went through losing my grandfather, I thought of Jinna’s strength to survive thrive and grow after her father passed. It helped me look on the positive side of things, and try to see the good in such a difficult situation. I’m so grateful I got to meet such an amazing woman, I know God had his hand in the whole thing so our paths would cross.

Go check out Jinna’s website right now- she is amazing!

www.greaseandglamour.com

Sooo I was originally planning on making this a fashion post- but as I started writing I decided I will wait til next time to show another outfit- and some leather bags that I have been so excited to feature! It just felt strange writing on such a serious topic such as death then going “Hey, now look at  this cute outfit!” so please check back later this week for that fun post- where I will also talk about my girl Abs from House of DVF ( Dang E! threw my blog plans all off by sending her home in the same episode!)

Thank you for reading, if you made it this far then you are a very special soul.. I hope I didn’t depress the crap out of you!! I also want to end by emphasizing my knowledge that families can be together forever, and that I know there is life after death. If you want to know more about my beliefs please go read more here or feel free to comment below with any questions. I would be more than happy to answer what I can.

Later gator!

Codi